Once Upon A Time, I was young and in love with myself, my dreams, and my brand new convertible.  Before I became a typical teenaged know-it-all, I was born in Nowata, Oklahoma, a small community a little north of Tulsa and a whole lotta outta the way of everything fun and exciting.  Nothing ever happened here, and I mean nothing.  I yearned to get out of this place and start my life fresh and new and write for a large newspaper or magazine.  I wanted a walk-up in Brooklyn or a maybe a brownstone, I wanted to take the train or subway to work, and I wanted Donna Karan and Gap basics and stylish shoes in my closet(s).  I dreamt of a modern minimalist style, both in prose and in real life.  I wanted to change the world, one article (of clothing and of journalism) at a time.  I wanted to get the scoop, but I wanted to do it all cool and effortlessly.  I wanted to meet My Guy, my Mr. Right, and I wanted to be swept of my feet and lovingly put back down again.  Yes, I wanted "that" life.  That life, presented just-so in glossy issues of Marie Claire and Town & Country, that's what I wanted.  Or so I thought.  

Fast forward 20+ years.  I've gone away for work, college, boyfriends.  I've moved a couple of times, but at the ends of those stints and stretches always ended up back here.  Small Town, USA.  Back to my roots, if you please.  And it made me bitter and resentful for a long time.  I did not recognize the life I thought I wanted.  I had not become the woman I originally thought I would be.  After marriage, a pregnancy loss, unearthing information about my past I'd never known before...and then the birth of a daughter and set of twins to follow that...and, still feeling like I have nothing to show to parallel the life I once grew hardy in my mind, I hit rock bottom through a downward spiral of depression and that 'A' word we all cringe when we hear.  Things I never thought I'd be burdened with suddenly held me down like violent and raging water.  Demons I never thought I would fight suddenly tried to break me.  

Through a course of other smaller (but never insignificant) events, I chose to turn my life around.  I chose to turn my attitude around.  I chose to turn my heart around.  I had to.  I HAD to.  For me, for my kids, for my husband, for my future.  But mainly, for the girl I used to be.  To honor that part of myself in this way is something I am incredibly excited to do, because I feel very passionately that my struggles are supposed to be used to help others.  At one time in my life, I was active in a support group whose motto is "God never wastes a hurt."  And y'all, I'm here to tell you that is true.  Now, don't get it twisted...I'm not saying my life is perfect or I'm perfect, because nothing could be further from the truth.  It just is NOT.  My mistakes by far are some of the worst things ever written in any book about mistakes, if there ever existed such a thing.  But, BUT...As someone who has been a lot of places and has seen a lot of things, I can tell you that where I am right now is exactly where I am supposed to be.  I feel finally as though I am thriving.  And, daily, I am growing.  Sunny days make me feel my best, and I've made it a personal goal to drink more water, but, above all, I finally feel ready to accept my life as it is now, instead of harboring resentment or feeling cheated by my own desperate self.  This is where I am.  THIS is where I am!  Never again will I have a chance to relive this day.  I finally can look at myself with a forgiving nod.  At this staccato in my life, I have chosen to feel a new life with new arms and new legs and new heart, to try and open myself up more to the beauty and wonder of the world and what lies ahead, instead of playing victim to rainy days and baking drought.  I can finally bloom, right in the very place I was planted.  And for that very miracle, I am thankful. 

These are my telling songs of a wider life, and I am honored you are here.  <3