 Honestly, I'm not a jewelry person. But, if you know me at all, you know I wear a necklace 24/7...When I choose one, I never take it off. I'll wear it for months. Months! I'll sleep in it, I'll bathe in it, I'll swim in it, I'll eat good food in it, I'll reach for it whenever I feel insecure or afraid. It's almost like it becomes a part of me. And, there it always is, a complete, secure circle rounding my neck. Well...sometime between yesterday and about 6:00 tonight, I lost my necklace. I'm sick about it, too. This was a necklace the kids' dad had given me at some point after Molly was born, but before the twins came along. I don't just wear ANY piece of jewelry, either. I mean, I have a pretty low-key taste compared to some of my friends. I don't appreciate the carat amount or the glam factor...I appreciate the sentiment behind it. I fully believe Todd gave me that necklace with all the love that he had in his heart for me right then, and I never wanted to wear it for fear I'd lose it...and now that I've lost it...yes, my heart aches, ...
...but I also feel like maybe it's a sign for me to try and form NEW bonds...for me to try and and find NEW styles or NEW links to the present-day! No, of course I'm not happy I lost my diamond cascade necklace, but if you know me at all, you know I try and look for the silver lining in EVERY bleak one...and this time it's no different. I have the good fortune of knowing a man in the most intimate way I could know him for as many years as I could, and I have the blessing of having my children with me...and I'M ALIVE! I DO THINGS, other than subsist on a man's approval. I love my family, I love my career, I love who I've become...faults and ALL. I love the people who've appeared in my life like Guest Stars on 'The Love Boat', and those who've hung in there with us this entire time, almost 3 years! I will soon find another necklace to wear 'round my neck! I don't take things like this lightly, though. The first necklace I wore for over a year and a half, and I paid a mere $5 for it. It read, quite simply, "LOVE". I wore it around my neck and I never gave it a second thought. I never even CONSIDERED how I'd feel if I were to lose it! Then I put on Todd's cascade necklace, mainly to keep close to my heart the feeling we both felt about our life together when he GAVE it to me, you know? And now, it's....gone. I was really upset when I first discovered it, but I'm okay with it now. Sure, it's a material thing, but I've never been about material things. The fact that he even thought enough of me to give me that necklace all those many years ago, that's enough for me to dwell on the rest of my life. I'm weird like that, though. It really, really does not take a lot to make me happy. ... Maybe I'll go necklace-less for the next few weeks until I can find something that fits my life RIGHT NOW. And, you know what? I'm completely okay with that. Everything happens for a reason. Until then, I will shine bright like a diamond, even if I'm only cubic zirconia. The point is, I'm trying, and I am FINE. My family is healthy and we are all FINE. <3 <3 <3 We are learning to let others love us in the ways that they are good at. My kids and I are finally coming to terms with the fact that sometimes people love without an agenda, and it doesn't always have to be US. <3
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