 Look. Divorce is a traumatic and difficult decision for all parties involved—and there’s arguably no salve besides time to take that pain away. However, when the whole concept of marriage and divorce is reexamined, there’s actually something far more powerful—and positive—at play. Or...there CAN be...if both parties are mindful and actually TRY to be civil.
The media likes to throw around the statistic that 50% of all marriages end in divorce...and It turns out that’s accurate: Many people are concerned about the divorce rate and see it as an important problem that needs to be fixed. But what if divorce itself isn’t the problem? What if it’s just a symptom of something deeper that needs our attention? The high divorce rate might actually be a calling to learn a new way of being in relationships. Yeah?? Are you still with me? And will you allow me to be your cheerleader? I sure hope so...because in high school I always thought of myself as a REALLY GOOD cheerleader! My squad LOVED cheering together! I LOVED riding the bus with my fellow "cheer babes" and the football players. Nights spent traveling on that bus were charged with fun. Those nights were absolutely spent doing our duties, cheerleaders. Anyway. Check it: During the upper Paleolithic period of human history (roughly 50,000 BC to 10,000 BC) the average human life expectancy at birth was 33.[i] By 1900, U.S. life expectancy was only 46 for men, and 48 for women. Today, it’s 76 and 81 respectively.[ii] During the 52,000 years between our Paleolithic ancestors and the dawn of the 20th Century, life expectancy rose just 15 years. In the last 114 years, it’s increased by 43 years for men, and 48 years for women. This is something to feel hopeful about! But...what does this have to do with divorce rates? For the vast majority of history, humans lived relatively short lives—and accordingly, they weren't in relationships with the same person for 25 to 50 years. Modern society adheres to the concept that marriage should be lifelong; but when we’re living three lifetimes compared to early humans, perhaps we need to redefine the construct. In my venture in obtaining a Women's Studies minor at University of Tulsa, I learned through social research practicum that because we are living so long, most people will have two or three significant long-term relationships in their lifetime. Well. I, myself, can safely say I have had at least two...Anyway. What the media RARELY EVER tells us is how many divorces actually end in the peaceful, balanced way they sometimes do. THIS is the idea I want to present to you today. It's called 'conscious uncoupling'. It happens when both parties are comfortable with splitting apart. Conscious uncoupling happens as a result of two people going in separate directions, and they are both fine with it. [i] Hillard Kaplan, Kim Hill, Jane Lancaster, and A. Magdalena Hurtado (2000). A Theory of Human Life History Evolution: Diet, Intelligence and Longevity”. Evolutionary Anthropology 9 (4): 156–185. doi:10.1002/1520-6505(2000)9:43.0.CO;2-7. [ii] Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2011). Life expectancy at birth, at age 65, and at age 75, by sex, race, and Hispanic origin: United States, selected years 1900-2010. National vital statistics system . United states 2011 web updates Washington D.C.: National center for healthcare statistics. http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hus/2011/022.pdf.
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