One and Only

What’s the difference between a wall and a boundary?
A wall limits you and limits your potential experiences and opportunities; a boundary recognizes there are countless possibilities.
A wall is based on self-doubt and the fear of letting anyone find out who you really are; a boundary is based on self-love and an unwillingness to act against your own self-respect.
A wall is a barrier that keeps new pain out but also holds old pain in, increasing the likelihood that it will either last or repeat itself in new ways; a boundary is a new start and a belief in your capacity to heal.
A wall sounds like, “I will never trust again”; a boundary sounds like, “I will watch for red flags and will trust my gut.”
A wall gives you a false sense of safety, wrongly believing that you’ll never feel pain again; a boundary creates a soft place to land during the inevitable ups and downs of life.
A wall is an immovable structure built with bricks of guilt, fear, or anger; a boundary is a line in the sand drawn with courage, love, and compassion.
A wall cuts you off from unhealthy connections but it cuts you off from healthy ones as well; a boundary opens you to healthy connections and gives you what you need to let go of unhealthy ones.
A wall demands that others change to make you feel safe; a boundary is based on the understanding that your safety is your responsibility and provides you with the safety you need.
A wall is the belief that you can function by yourself, shutting everyone out; a boundary recognizes that learning to live with an open heart begins by accepting help from others who have done it for themselves and have helped others do it, too.

As we grow and learn to knock down our walls, we tend to move into a state in which we strive to set limits and, thus, maintain healthy boundaries with others in our lives.  It's about having an inner knowledge of our own values and what exactly we want in our lives...and exactly what we DON'T.  It shows we respect ourselves and our own needs -- a trait that's incredibly attractive to prospective partners, too.  In setting healthy limits and minding appropriate boundaries, we start to attract people into our lives who have boundaries in place as well and who are aligned with what we are looking for.  This is the fertile ground on which many long-weathered, long-lasting marriages and relationships alike are built.  A harmonious combination of mutual respect and admiration seem to naturally grow from this foundation and is often a recurrent theme in relationship stories of marriages of that span decades!  Dropping our walls, letting the other person in, and maintaining those healthy limits enable each person in the relationship to grow individually as well as grow a strong partnership, a loving relationship, a romantic collaboration.