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I worry about my eldest daughter, Molly, going off to college. I worry that she'll go buck wild, get pregnant, and fuck up her future plans. Ultimately, she wants to be a doctor deep in the mountains of China and Spain and help people who'd otherwise have NO reliable healthcare, and somehow simultaneously run a cat refuge...??! In total Cher fashion (AKA 'Clueless', she is a virgin who CAN'T DRIVE) and we often joke about it. She'll be hitting Smith College in Northampton, MA, 'round about late August. Molly has made me SO VERY proud! End of story, all of her life! Todd and I used to have to GROUND HER FROM READING. There've been times I've been terrified for her mental health, and unfortunately, I have failed her at every turn. She's my first true love, though, my firstborn! She has and will always be my airplane in the sky, the first place I look when I hear a low buzz or get a hovering vibe. She has ALWAYS been an eavesdropper, and I remember I had an NPR podcast on in our Dodge Caravan that talked about that very thing, eavesdropping, and I just never really knew she was always lurking around the corner and listening in the shadows...but she was...and if you see her on the street back home, in Nowata, you'll have to ask her about her eavesdropping! She'll get a kick out of it! WE STILL JOKE ABOUT IT. Todd and I CAUGHT HER on several occasions, and looking back on it now, it pisses me off, but I also think it was cute. My eldest has the BEST sense of humor -- we just GET each other...we LOVE Jewish people... but we also bump heads and have had some not-so-good times, too. <3 She's still my baby, though, and I love her to the ends of this earth. She won't LET anyone be good to her, though. She's always apologizing (she learned that bad habit from me) and she's always "sorry" for asking for anything. (Again, my fault). I hate what I have done to her, ruining her in this way. But! She, too, is a survivor, and she has EVERY CHANCE SHE WANTS TO TAKE to reinvint herself when she goes back East for college. I must admit, too, as a vein to my OWN recovery, I have to LET her reinvent herself, if she so wants. I was a TU HOBY scholar...I was able to participate and was accepted to TU's rowing team, and I coveted every minute of that sisterhood! I hope Molly is able to do the same at Smith if she chooses! I'm just letting her CHOOSE...even though she is only newly 17. She has WONDERFUL judgment about people, though, so I really am not WORRIED about her...except that I am WORRIED about her. Make sense?
I worry about my youngest daughter, Grace, that she'll get into high school and go buck wild, get pregnant, and fuck up her future plans. Someone close to me has said a few times he thinks she'll become a stripper...but he doesn't know her at all. Grace Ann has a HUGE heart for other people (and has been on the Support Squad at school for the last 3 years), which is basically a trusted peer who's been through a good amount of training to talk to peers about suicide and self-injurious behavior, and someone who has the resources to get help for the kiddos she has the opportunity to talk to. She is friends with ALL the kids: the outcasts, the fatties, the kids who need staff to support them throughout their day. Ultimately, she wants to love on animals for the rest of her life, and maybe counsel some folks on their journey to the end of their pets' lives, and also wants to drive a Mercedes Benz "G-Wagon". I get it; hell's bells, I'd like to drive a Volvo X90 or a good-lookin' 4-Runner the rest of my life. I remember when Grace Ann was 4 or 5, I asked her what would make her happy in a career when she grew up. This is what she told me, with a toothless smile (she fell down at daycare and had to have her top two front teeth surgically removed): "A horsey-petter!" She said it with such confidence. I am happy to say, she STILL has that confidence! LOVE MY Baby Girl. <3 She would be THE BEST horsey-petter, too! She's popular and has a good friend group right now. We talk a lot about the dynamics in middle school. I HATED middle school! Grace has a lot of pimples right now and is feeling really self-conscious. I never had pimples as an adolescent (the twins are now 13), but certainly did as an adult. I'm making an appointment on Wednesday. The comments she says she gets about her skin are AWFUL. I hate social media for this. I worry about my son, Griffin, in that he is SUCH a sweetheart and will probably live with me until he's 25 but wants so much to have a normal life. He's really good with physics, science, and math. HE LOVES CARS, OMG, he could bore me through and through with his talk about ALLTHINGSCARS, but I like that he's even TALKING to me at 13 years old, so I don't mind so much. Also, I think he likes it when I can't remember and have to ask him to "tell me again." He and I have had some pretty deep conversations about the type of man he wants to be, what he wants to do "when he is old enough to make real money", and that he wants to work on cars and find someone special and be a good husband and dad. I always tell him those are very noble goals, and that he is capable of all of them! OMGosh, I love my kiddos so very much! Molly's going away to Smith College within the next 6 months, Grace is evolving into a NATURAL-BORN LEADER...and Griffin is still figuring stuff out...and that's okay! Poops often talks to me about how some of her friends at school are just worried about "boy energy"...and I feel honored that she would even include me in her inner dialogue! We USUALLY have the same thoughts and vision, though! Grace tries to take care of everyone. I want her to know that taking care of herself FIRST is the most important, and I am learning that myself with my reiki sessions, and also getting my nails and eyebrows done! Also, just by journaling! I told her to always keep her journal nearby so that she can journal any time, day or night! My kids get their phones taken away at 1900 on school nights, 2200 on weekends. Grace gets to go a lot of places because she is more responsible, and I have received SEVERAL notes from her teachers that state they can SEE that she is trying.. Grace Annie is a VERY SMART GIRL. Hell, ALL MY KIDS ARE SMART, but Gracie tries the hardest. Her teachers see that, and up here they are VERY GOOD about communicating that with the parents. I LOVE IT UP HERE IN THE NORTHLAND, if only for THAT VERY REASON! Like...give credit where CREDIT is actually DUE! Not to the most popular necessarily (although Grace Ann falls into that demographic), but to the kiddos who actually DO genuinely uplift their fellow students (Grace Ann). The kids who don't feed into other kids' bullcrap. Grace Ann is this way. I feel like Griffin is, too, but he honestly has no filter and it's abrasive to other kids sometimes. Don't want to inhibit him, but he is just forming thoughts that escape his brain into his mouth and then eventually spout out! Grace often has a hard time at school due to being called out for "You should date your brother!" I'm like, "Whatch'all know about DATING?!" I mean really. I hate kids. :(
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